


" you're going to go, and you're going to kill yourself "

by tartancaps



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Angst, Connor is a sad bean and must be protected, Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post S03 E4, Post- Wes' Death, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, but im doing this instead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 14:29:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15753606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tartancaps/pseuds/tartancaps
Summary: Laurel was right.Connor would go, and he would kill himself.(or the fic where Connor steps in front of the bus during S03 E04)





	1. just one step

_"You know what you need to do right now?"_

 

Shoes against pavement cut through the buzz of chatter on the streets as Connor ran, running as fast as he could.

As if he could run away from the words bouncing around his head.

 

_"You need to go and kill yourself. That's the one good thing you're going to do in your life."_

 

He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, puffing from his dazed running. He knew Laurel was right. Annalise, Michaela, and even Oliver could try to deny it, but he knew they were lying; if Connor did kill himself, he knew they'd all secretly be relieved.

All he did was mess things up. That's all he'd ever been good at. He dragged Oliver into this mess, he dragged the group down. He was the weak link.

 

In the distance, Connor could spot two bright headlights heading forward, through the street.

_Just one step_ , he thought.  _One step, then everyone's problem would go away. I would go away._

 

Connor tried to picture the heartbroken faces of everyone, of Oliver, if he were to do it. But all his mind could muster up was their relief.

_Just._

_one._

_step._

 

A voice seemed to be chanting in his head, like a mantra:  _Just one step, just one step.._

 

Connor just wanted it to be quiet inside is own head, he just wanted it to  _end_. He wanted to stop being a burden.

 

The bus was close, now, and would pass by him in a few seconds.

In that moment, Connor knew. He would do it. He  _had_ to. For Michaela, for Laurel, for Oliver, even  _Wes_.

 

" _Just one step_ ," he softy whispered to himself.

 

The bus was nearly there.

Connor closed his eyes.

He took a deep breath.

And he stepped.

 

 

 

 

The world went black.

 


	2. the body on the stretcher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got kinda stuck on this chapter, mainly because I had to try and create realistic reactions from everyone.  
> I ended up deciding to have the aftermath in the next chapter, and this one just being Oliver finding out.  
> overall, I think it turned out pretty ok!
> 
>  
> 
> enjoy!

_a scream._

 

That's the first thing Oliver thinks about, when he thinks of that night.

 

" _He's dead!"_

 

Oliver remembered the commotion outside of his apartment; the screams of a passerby, and sirens. He'd walked outside in confusion, intending to figure out what happened.

Then something crossed his mind.

_Connor_

He was out for a run, and for all Oliver knew, he could've been hit by a car. Fear gripped his heart like a tight cord, and hurried him to the door as he slammed it shut, barely remembering to lock it.

Sprinting out of the apartment complex, Oliver stepped out into the cold streets of Philadelphia, regretting not bringing his coat with him.

An ambulance was parked right in the middle of the road, and loud beeping could be heard from all of the angry Philadelphian drivers caught in the traffic. A large crowd of people were standing on the sidewalk, blocking Oliver's view of the road. He walked up behind the crowd, attempting to push through whilst suffocating in fear and curiosity.

He finally managed to catch a glimpse of a body being wheeled into the ambulance on a stretcher, but it was covered in a white blanket, signifying that the person underneath it was dead.

 _Oh God_ , he thought, _Someone's actually dead._

He freaked out even more, realising that the body on the stretcher could be Connor. Frantically, Oliver pulled his phone out of his pocket, and rung Connor's phone.

Almost immediately, a faint ringing could be heard from the centre of the crowd. People took notice, talking to each other in confusion.

_Who's phone is that?_

_Is it your's?_

_Hey, I think it's the dead guy's!_

_Yea, it's definitely his, it even has a crack in it._

 

Oliver's heart stopped.

_No.._

Connor couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible.

They were supposed live a long, happy life together.

 

Not caring that people were watching, Oliver buried his face in his hands, his body racking with heavy sobs.

 

It was _Connor's_ body on the stretcher. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, sorry for the short chapter. This is my first fic, so im still trying to get the hang of 'writing a chapter longer than 300 words'  
> But anyways, hope you enjoyed it!


	3. he's really gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone finds out about Connor's death, and the circumstances around it..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feeling pretty proud of myself for getting this out so quickly (its kinda obvious I rushed it though)  
> this is probably gonna be the final chapter, unless I get a new idea or some motivation.
> 
> but, as always..  
> enjoy!

"I'm sorry,  _what_ _!?_ "

Michaela stared at the doctor in absolute horror, trying to process what she'd just heard.

"I'm sorry Ms Pratt, but Connor Walsh is dead."

She was in the ED alongside Oliver, Asher, Laurel and Bonnie. They'd been at Bonnie's house, trying to talk Laurel into firing the private investigator, when Michaela had received a phone call from a traumatised Oliver. He'd been absolutely hysterical, and could barely speak. All she could make out was  _ED_  and  _Connor_.

They'd all drove to the hospital in Asher's car, and Bonnie decided to come along, probably to see if the police were there, interrogating Connor or something.

Once they'd arrived, they'd found Oliver hunched over in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room, bawling his eyes out. Michaela managed to calm him down enough to explain what'd happened. Towards the end of his explanation, a doctor clad in scrubs had entered the room, asking for anyone there for Connor Walsh.

Oliver had stood up, and the doctor walked up to the 6 of them. She began explaining the story (or at least the eyewitness's stories). They'd already heard all off this from Oliver, but there was one new piece of information: Connor had jumped in front of the bus.

Michaela couldn't believe her ears. Connor was  _dead_ and had killed himself.

A loud sob cut through the swirling storm of thoughts's in her head, and she turned, expecting it to be Oliver crying. But it was Laurel.

"This is all my fault." she sobbed, "I told him to do this,  _I_ did this to him."

"No, Laurel." Surprisingly, it was Bonnie comforting the girl. "Like Annalise said before, he was already going to do it."

"Yeah, but if I'd just stopped acting like a child and forgiven him, he wouldn't of done this."

All of this was too much for Michaela, and she could see that Oliver was about to snap, too.

Her best friend had  _committed suicide_ , and was gone.

"I-I just can't be here right now." she mumbled, hands beginning to shake.

"I need to leave."

Before anyone could protest, she was running out the doors, and onto the busy streets of Philadelphia. Tears had begun making their way down her face, and she allowed herself to finally break down, in the middle of the street.

 _He's gone_ , her mind finally registered.

_he's really gone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank GoldenChaos for helping me out with a little motivation with their comment, it really helped with the last 2 chapters.  
> sorry if it wasn't really descriptive of their emotions, I think I was just too caught up in writing what was going on.
> 
> anyways, hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> oof. yea.  
> sorry for all that depressing-ness.
> 
> ALSO it was my first fic so sorry that it's so short and cruddy.
> 
> ALSO ALSO hope you enjoyed, please comment your opinions and feedback (trust me, I obviously need it).
> 
> see ya!


End file.
